Battle 177:

Senshado Battle 1: Ōarai VS The Author’s Personal Tanks, 5v5 Format

“Welcome to a unique Epic Battle! We’re hosting Senshado tonight!” Sideswipe revealed, Sunstreaker reading a handbook. “Senshado, according to a 1939 propaganda flick, is a martial art performed primarily by women to boost their self-esteem, assist them in becoming professional and efficient citizens and…” Sunstreaker began before stuttering and breaking into a chuckle. “…develop the characteristics necessary to become good wives and mothers!” He snickered while closing the book and tossing it aside. “Like most martial arts however, the art of Senshado is now little more than a sports event.” Sideswipe clarified. “Which is why we’re hosting the first ever event in Gamindustri!” Sunstreaker revealed. “So, who’s sponsoring this episode?” Sideswipe checked. “Who do you think?” Sunstreaker retorted as an ad banner scrolled across the bottom of the screen, naming SwindleCo. as the sponsor. “Oh yeah!” Sideswipe realized as the ticker proceeded to call him a dunce. “Now, ONTO INTRODUCING OUR COMPETITORS!!!” He proclaimed after, not noticing the insult. “Representing Ōarai Girls Academy in this inaugural Senshado battle, we have Turtle Team, operating the Hetzer Tank Destroyer. With them are Duck Team, operating the Type 89B I-Go! Hippo Team in the StuG III Ausf.F! Taking up the rear are the Rabbit Team driving an M3 Grant!-“ Sideswipe introduced into the loudspeaker, only to notice Rabbit Team hold up a sign saying “Lee”. “Sorry! Rabbit Team are driving an M3 Lee! My bad!” Sideswipe apologized. “Before we introduce the opposing squadron, we’re missing a team!” Sunstreaker pointed out, taking note that they’d introduced only four tanks. “That’s because I heard from the Turtle Team that they have experience in a special field we oft have fun with!” Sideswipe clarified with a shit-eating grin. “You mean…” Sunstreaker gulped, worried it was gonna be Super Forms. “SUPER SENTAI PARODIES!!!” Sideswipe revealed. “Thank god!” Sunstreaker sighed. “INTRODUCING THE HEROINES OF ŌARAI…” Sideswipe proceeded as a variation of the Ginyu Force theme began playing in the background and smoke began belching from the entrance of the Ōarai side of the arena.

“AKIYAMA YUKARI!!!”

“Reizei Mako…”

“TAKEBE SAORI!!!”

“ISUZU HANA!!!”

“And the commander herself, NISHIZUMI MIHO!!!

”

“AND TOGETHER WE ARE…”

“PANZER IV AUSF.H CREW: ANGLERFISH TEAM!!!

”

“Looks like we might have some competition!” Ginyu figured aloud as he and the Ginyu Force looked on from the bleachers, all eating popcorn in synchronization.

“Now that we’re all here, who are we to battle?” Anzu Kadotani, the student council president at Ōarai and commander of Turtle Team, asked as Anglerfish Team embarked their Panzer IV and fired it up, lining the tank up with the rest of the Ōarai squadron. [You’ll meet them over the course of the battle. Don’t wanna spoil the surprise!] Sideswipe laughed over the loud hailer. [This is partially because The Author has loaned the opposing tanks and He thinks they’re too powerful to face against your entire team all at once.] Sunstreaker explained. [And partially because He wants to recreate a scene from Fury.] Sideswipe added. “If that’s the hand we’re dealt, then we’ll need to do scouting before we initiate an attack.” Miho figured. “Rodger that, commander!” Saori acknowledged before disappearing into the Panzer IV and firing up the radio. [Radio check! 1, 2, 3!] Saori proceeded as the rest of the teams got to their tanks and started the engines. [Loud and clear, Anglerfish!] Taeko Kondō, of the Duck Team, responded once the Type 89 was fully crewed. [One if by land, two if by sea!] Erwin of the Hippo Team scoffed as the StuG III engine revved. [All systems green!] Yūki Utsugi from the Rabbit Team reported as the Lee spluttered to life. “PANZER VOR!!!” Yukari cheered, snapping Mako out of her sleep in time for Sideswipe to initiate the tournament.

“Sensha-GO!!!”

“Are you fcking kidding me?” Sunstreaker groaned as the Ōarai tanks drove out the arena and into the pre-designated combat area. “What? What’s wrong with Sensha-Go?” Sideswipe challenged. “To borrow a phrase from today’s youth: it’s hella cringe!” Sunstreaker pointed out. “You’re hella cringe!” Sideswipe whined as he crossed his arms in disappointment. “Shall we clarify things for the viewers at home at least?” Sunstreaker proposed. “Good idea!” Sideswipe agreed. “This battle, despite being declared a 5v5 at the beginning, will consist of a number of encounters between the five tanks of Ōarai against five tanks from The Author’s collection of tanks from World Of Tanks, with a single exception. Starting with…” Sunstreaker prompted.

Round 1:

Pudel and Bretagne – Lastation Industrial Sector

“Transmission intercepted! We’ve been spotted!” Saori alerted as a gunshot rang out and a shell bounced off the side of the Hetzer. [I count two Panther tanks to the North-East!] Erwin directed as the StuG III and Hetzer broke off to dig into firing positions and the Panzer IV, I-Go and Lee drove to cover behind a building. “Can we identify who’s driving them?” Miho demanded. [Polish insignia on one! French on the other!] Momo, gunner for the Hetzer, reported as another gunshot rang out and part of a factory chimney was blown away from its building, the tinier chunks rattling on the hulls of the Ōarai tanks. “German tanks with non-German operators?” Hana questioned. “Affirmative! They’re captured tanks; Pudel and Bretagne!” Yukari explained. “Duck Team, Rabbit Team! Keep out of their line of sight if you can! Duck, Rabbit and Anglerfish will flank them from the right! Turtle Team, Hippo Team! Provide suppressive fire!” Miho instructed, Saori relaying the message to the rest of the team.

[Be advised: StuG and Hetzer are going to provide cover fire for Panzer, I-Go and Lee! Pudel, cover Bretagne as they counter the enemy flank!] A mature feminine voice ordered over the comms for Bretagne and Pudel. “Compris! Conducteur avant!” The commander for Bretagne relayed as she revved and mobilized, Hippo’s StuG III firing his main gun and barely missing the liberated French tank. “Zaladuj przecipancerne! Strzelaj do StuG!” Pudel’s commander ordered as the tank fired an anti-tank shell, which whizzed over Bretagne and impacted ground in front of the StuG, kicking up dust and obscuring the Panthers from Ōarai’s tank destroyers. “Fais attention!” Bretagne’s radio op barked as she took a left turn and rolled between the Panzer IV and I-Go, cutting off the Ōarai ambush. [AMBUSH!!! AMBUSH!!! DRIVER REVERSE!!!] Noriko Isobe, commander of Duck Team, ordered as the I-Go’s driver, pulled the throttle lever back and reversed straight into Rabbit Team’s tank. [SOS, SOS!!! TANK STUCK!!! HELP!!!] Azusa Sawa, commander of Rabbit Team, wailed as Bretagne rotated her turret to shoot the rear of Anglerfish’s Panzer IV. [Do not shoot the Panzer IV! Your orders are to take care of their teammates!] The feminine voice interrupted. “Merde!” Bretagne’s gunner cursed as she rotated in the opposite direction to aim at the I-Go. [FIRE ON THAT PANTHER OR WE’RE TOAST!!!] Noriko wailed as Bretagne fired, penetrating the I-Go’s hull and blowing the engine. “Char frappe! Allons-y!” Bretagne’s gunner cheered, a white flag deploying from the I-Go to mark that it was eliminated from the match. [Alarm! Czolg wroga angzuje sie!] Pudel’s radio operator warned as another gunshot rang out and the Panzer IV knocked out Bretagne with a shell direct into the turret. “Merde!” Bretagne’s crew sighed collectively as their own white flag deployed. [Przyjazy czolg wyelimimowany! Cofanie sie! Kierowca wsteczny! Srtzelec zapewnia ogien tlumiacy!] Pudel’s commander instructed as Pudel began reversing and firing her main gun to prevent the tank destroyers from lining up a shot, only to be flanked and shot in the engine by Anglerfish Team. [Kurwa! Druzyna Panter wyeliminowana! Powtarzam: Druznya Panter wyeliminowana!] Pudel’s radio op reported as Pudel’s white flag deployed. “Tank struck! Guess new doesn’t always mean better!” Yukari scoffed as the surviving Ōarai tanks regrouped and the Duck Team were taxied back to the arena.

<Meanwhile, atop a nearby hill>

“You’ve done all you can, Pudel! You too, Bretagne! Orient Team, you’re up next!” The feminine voice instructed into the radio as a shadowed figure oversaw the situation from atop a hill, stood beside an equally obscured tank. [Ni buneng xuan yige geng hao de mingzi ma?] One of the commanders for the next batch of tanks groaned. [Sore ni kodawatte iru jikan wa arimasen! Deteike!] Another instructed. “Kommandantin! Was sind unsere Befehle?” One of the crew of the tank demanded. “We head to our designated rendezvous point and we wait for Ōarai to head there for the objective.” The owner of the voice, being the shadowy figure, instructed. “Verstanden!” The tank crewman acknowledged before realizing a problem. “Was ist nochmal das Ziel?” He asked sheepishly as the woman simply drew a Luger and shot into the air, shooting out a camera drone and causing it to crash beside her. [WHAT THE HELL!?! THAT WAS A $10,000 CAMERA DRONE, ASSHOLE!!!] Sideswipe exploded over the drone’s speaker as the woman stormed to the drone and held it to her face, which the camera failed to pick up due to severe damage to the lens. “WHY WERE MY MEN NOT BRIEFED ON THE OBJECTIVE!?!” The woman exploded. [Oh?] Sideswipe quacked. [The objective, which we also forgot to inform the audience of, is to destroy the Command Tank and acquire the flag carried by that tank.] Sunstreaker summarized. “Basically traditional Senshado rules.” The woman confirmed. “Klingt jugendlich!” The crewman grumbled. “You call it juvenile; I call it cultural heritage, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!!!” The woman exploded. [WILL YOU BOTH STOP WHINING AND FOCUS ON THE MISSION!?!] Sideswipe complained. “Understood. Let’s move out!” The woman ordered as she turned to embark onto the tank. “Verstanden! Fahrer, starten Sie den Motor!” The crewman relayed as the woman got onto the tank and climbed into the commander’s cupola, shutting the hatch after she’d disappeared into the beast. “Proceed North-By-North-West to the rendezvous!” She instructed to the driver, the tank revving as he turned, revealing a red ‘131’ painted on the side of the turret before the tank revved again and gained speed as he disappeared down the road. [Are we gonna get compensation for the drone? Hello?] Sideswipe called over the speaker on the drone. [They’re not there anymore.] Sunstreaker pointed out. [Whatever! Where are our star contestants?] Sideswipe asked eagerly.

Round 2:

Type 64 and Type 95 – Planeptune/Lastation Border

“Rang women xiwang women neng gezhi fenqi, zehyang women jiu neng dabai diren!” The commander of a Taiwanese Type 64 suggested as he and the commander of a Japanese Type 95 overlooked the Ōarai tanks from the cupolas of their tanks. “Anata ga sore o genkyu shita Baai, soreha mondaidesu. Sono Ue, watashitachi ni wa, korera no kodomo-tachi o koeta kyotsu no teki ga imasu.” The Japanese commander reminded. “Shi de, ta ma de Zhongguo!” The Taiwanese commander agreed. “Shikashi, watashi wa mokuzen no shimei ni shuchu shinakereba naranai koto ni doi shimasu!” The Japanese commander declared, soon realizing an inconsistency. “How are we able to understand each other’s mother tongue, yet don’t speak English?” The Japanese commander asked. “Because English is for fcking guailos!” The Taiwanese commander retorted, both nodding in agreement before returning to their recon. “Tanke jianji che zai nali?” The Taiwanese commander demanded before the Type 64 was rear-ended by the StuG III, which had broken off from the main group, before the Ōarai tank destroyer fired his main gun and decommissioned the Type 64 in a single shot, which shot up the white flag afterwards. Then, Erwin emerged from the command hatch of the StuG and pointed dramatically at the Type 95 commander. “Omae wa mo shinde iru!” Erwin proclaimed as the Hetzer drifted onto the hill with his main gun aimed at the Type 95. “NANI!?!” The Type 95 commander wailed before his tank was also shot and taken out of the fight. “This is what you deserve for lallygagging in the midst of a combat exercise!” Momo berated as she and Anzu emerged from the Hetzer. “Now now, there’s no need to be so cruel!” Anzu mocked. “Yeah! They never stood a chance!” Erwin scoffed. [Turtle Team, Hippo Team. We heard gunshots. What’s your status?] Saori checked up over the radio. “Mission accomplished. They never saw us coming. Turtle and Hippo Teams regrouping with Anglerfish and Rabbit Teams!” Anzu reported into the Hetzer’s radio.

“Well! That round was a bust!” Sideswipe remarked as he tallied up the tanks struck so far in the exercise on a white board. “So far: Ōarai have only lost one tank to The Author’s four!” Sunstreaker reported. “Our guest commander of The Author’s team better win this! I bet money on her winning!” Sideswipe pointed out. “Anyhow. We shall now return to the action!” Sunstreaker declared. “Well…’action’…” Sideswipe corrected with heavy air quotes.

“So far so good, our decision to expand Ōarai’s Senshado program to Gamindustri was a fine one indeed!” Anzu bragged, all active tank crews, including hers, on roadtrip mode as they traveled into Planeptune. “We’ve still not found the enemy command tank. We don’t even know what it is or who the driver is!” Momo reminded. “Trust me! We’ve got this in the bag!” Anzu jinxed as a distinct gunshot rang out. “I think I have a hunch.” Momo grumbled. “Meh, you win some, you lose some! Good game!” Anzu shrugged as the Hetzer was directly impacted by an HEAT shell and came to a fiery halt before deploying the white flag. “ALL TANKS: REVERSE, HARD LEFT!!!” Miho ordered as the Panzer IV, Lee and StuG reversed off the road and into a field. “WHAT WAS THAT!?!” Asuza exclaimed as the tanks backed up until they reached a dense tree line. “TANK!!! 12 O-CLOCK, 800 YARDS!!!” Erwin reported as Miho saw the tank through her binoculars. “I SEE IT!!! IT’S A TIGER!!!” She exclaimed, soon realizing who was staring right back at her from the Tiger’s cupola. “Maho…” She smirked.

Round 3:

Tiger 131 – Planeptune Virtua Forest

“Alright little sis, let’s see how well you’ve been practicing!” Maho Nishizumi, Miho’s older sister, chuckled as her tank revved his engine to warm it up for combat move, Maho giving her sister a salute before disappearing down into Tiger 131, the Last Tiger. “Driver forward! Load anti-tank.” Maho instructed, Tiger 131 revving once more before beginning a slow crawl from the bush he was hidden within.

“Don’t hold back, big sis! All tanks forward!” Miho instructed as the Panzer IV, StuG III and M3 Lee revved up at their own paces and began a crawl toward Tiger 131. [Load AP, 500 yards!] Erwin instructed as the StuG arced his gun to a suitable angle with which to attack the Tiger. [FIRE!!!] She followed up as the StuG fired. [Pop him! Pop him!] Asuza ordered in agreement as the Lee fired off both her main guns unto the Tiger, only for all 3 shells from both tanks to deflect off the thick front armour of the Tiger. “Target the StuG.” Maho directed as Tiger 131 maintained a low speed and rotated his turret toward Hippo’s tank. “FIRE!!!” Maho exclaimed as the Tiger fired, impacting the StuG III and knocking out the tank destroyer with a single shell. “I thought the legends were just that: legends! THIS THING’S A BEAST!!!” Yukari exclaimed as Miho watched the white flag deploy from the StuG. “We managed to take on a Tiger once, we can do it again! Rabbit! Flank right!” Miho directed. [Roger! Right stick, RIGHT STICK!!!] Asuza acknowledged as the M3 Lee began banking right. “Mako! Flank left!” Miho then instructed as Mako pulled back on one of the throttle sticks and made the Panzer IV bank left. “The Lee’s main gun won’t hit us at this angle. Load HE.” Maho instructed as the Tiger aimed his gun toward the Lee. “Hana! Shoot the Tiger, he’s lining up on Asuza-Chan!” Miho alerted as Hana cranked the Panzer IV turret as quickly as she could to line up on the Tiger, which was locked onto the Lee. “I SAID FIRE!!!” Miho exclaimed frantically. “WE’RE MOVING TOO FAST!!!” Hana snapped back. “FIRE!!!” Maho shouted as Tiger 131 fired and, once again with a single shot, knocked out the Lee, the force of the ensuing explosion launching the secondary turret out of its mount and crashing beside the tank before its white flag deployed. “Rabbit’s gone, we’re all that’s left! Mako, put it in third and get behind the Tiger!” Miho instructed. “Roger roger!” Mako acknowledged before shifting the Panzer IV into gear and gaining speed in an attempt to flank 131. “Reverse! Don’t let them get behind us!” Maho ordered as the Tiger lurched to a halt and began backing up, the coaxial MG42 opening fire on Miho with paintballs and scaring her back into the cupola. “Hana! You’ve got to shoot him in the rear, where the armour’s thin!” Miho directed. “Worry not! I know where to hit him!” Hana reassured. “Mako, you’ve got to outrun that gun!” Miho emphasized as Tiger 131 began rotating his turret toward the Anglerfish Panzer IV. “Understood!” Mako acknowledged as she shifted the tank up another gear to speed up the Panzer. “FIRE!!!” Maho called out as the Tiger fired his main gun again, the shot being absorbed by the spaced armour built onto the Panzer IV, but still damaging the tank. “WE’RE HIT!!!” Saori wailed. “WE’VE LOST POWERED TRAVERSE!!! SWITCHING TO MANUAL!!!” Yukari alerted as she shut off the powered traverse mechanism for the turret. “Mako! When I say back up, get ready to back up!” Miho warned, having sensed an opportunity. “Alright!” Mako acknowledged. “Hana! Hold your fire until I call the shot!” Miho added. “Roger roger!” Hana confirmed. “Driver, halt!” Maho ordered suddenly as Tiger 131 ceased his backward movement. “Driver, forward!” Maho followed, Tiger 131 resuming forward movement. “Target armour weak point where we just shot.” Maho instructed as Tiger 131’s gun locked back onto the damaged armour panel. “MAKO, NOW, REVERSE!!!” Miho exclaimed, Mako pulling back both drive levers and putting the Panzer IV in reverse. “Steady…” Maho hissed as both Tiger and Panzer IV locked onto each other. “Steady…” Miho gulped, the rear of the Tiger entering the Panzer IV’s crosshairs while the Tiger’s crosshairs lined up on the Panzer IV’s damaged armour. “HANA, NOW!!!” Miho barked. “FIRE!!!” Maho boomed as both tanks fired at the same time, the Panzer IV shell somehow ricocheting off where the Tiger’s armour should have been the weakest, while within the same split second, the Tiger shell penetrated the Panzer IV and blew the engine. As soon as the Anglerfish tank deployed their flag, the Tiger came to a halt. “Tank struck!” Maho sighed in relief as Tiger 131 settled into an idle purr.

“And so, through what can only be considered a freak miscalculation…” Sunstreaker began. “Or Author’s Bias!” Sideswipe interrupted. “Either way, it is decided that the winner of Epic Battle’s first ever Senshado battle is…” Sunstreaker proceeded as Sideswipe pulled out an envelope and tore it open. “La La Land!” Sideswipe read before both brothers perked up in surprise and did a double take. “Whoops! Wrong note!” Sideswipe gulped as he tore up the letter and pulled out a new envelope. “Doesn’t take back the dated joke.” Sunstreaker groaned as Sideswipe tore open the new envelope and read out the letter. “The ACTUAL winner of our inaugural Senshado Epic Battle is…” Sideswipe began before pausing for dramatic effect.

“

Maho Nishizumi!

”

“Congratulations to Maho Nishizumi! Your trophyshall be handed to you soon. However, we have yet another trophy to hand out!” Sunstreaker revealed. “Yup! And this one is basically because we overstocked on them.” Sideswipe added. “The entirety of Ōarai’s participating Senshado teams shall receive, to honour their defeat, The Brass Bowl!” Sunstreaker proclaimed. “Enjoy what is basically a ‘screw you’ trophy.” Sideswipe tacked on.

“Maho! When did you get here? And might I ask why?” Miho asked excitedly as she and Maho met right in front of Tiger 131, all the tank crews mingling with each other after the match. “When I heard there was a need for a tank commander to represent The Author’s forces. From what I understand, He uses me as a role model. So I figured it was a good idea to demonstrate as such.” Maho explained with a light smile. “Role model?” Miho echoed in confusion. “Yes. Because He also has a younger sister that He wants to look after.” Maho elaborated, removing a red plastic beer cup filled with juice from the serving table set up in front of the Tiger. “Here’s to another Nishizumi victory!” Maho toasted. “Cheers!” Miho toasted in agreement, picking up her own cup of juice before both sisters clacked their cups and took synchronized chugs from them. Then they both perked up in alarm, Maho doing a spit take while Miho began wobbling. “HOW OLD IS THIS DRINK!?!” Maho demanded, Miho’s eyes begging to spin as her wobbling worsened and Sideswipe noticing from nearby. “About that, that was meant for the winning tank crews. All of whom are adults! Your underage sister just downed cider!” He pointed out. “WHY DID YOU MORONS NOT CLEARLY LABEL IT THEN!?! THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!!” Maho exploded. “Heh heh! Panzer go brr!” Miho laughed before collapsing, having passed out from light weightiness. “MIHO!?! MEDIC!!!” Maho called out as the rest of Anglerfish noticed their leader had fainted and wailed in panic before rushing over to resuscitate Miho, the camera panning upward for a concluding end frame of Tiger 131.