“What the…AGAIN!?!” Swindle exclaimed, gunshots and a fire raging in the background as the Protectobots sat in lawn chairs outside their Starboard Town HQ, all of them wearing ‘Deal With It’ shades and holding up sun reflectors. “Yup! Why bother being a law enforcer when the law breaks itself?” Streetwise lamented. “We already discussed this, you imbeciles! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO ENFORCE THE LAW, PEACEFULLY!!!” Swindle exploded. “Wrong! We’re not doing anything until our profession in law enforcement actually does something morally good!” Hotspot denied. “BUT MY WAREHOUSE IS UNDER ATTACK BY CONSERVATIVES!!! They’re mad I turned their pleasure resort into an island of liberals!” Swindle complained. “So?” The Protectobots asked in unison as they turned to Swindle with unimpressed grimaces. “SO NOW’S YOUR CHANCE TO SUCCEED WHERE THE AMERICAN ARMED FORCES ARE FAILING!!!” Swindle argued. “If we assault them, won’t that perpetuate the issue of police brutality?” First-Aid challenged. “No! Because you’re attacking racists and homophobes!” Swindle reminded. “To be fair, if we don’t act now against these conservatives, we’ll be no better than the American police forces! PROTECTOBOTS, OUTSOURCE TO MORE APPROPRIATE POLICE ENFORCERS FOR THE SITUATION!!!” Hotspot ordered. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!” Swindle exclaimed.
<meanwhile, just outside the warehouse>
“BACK!!! BACK YOU SAVAGES!!!” Blast-Off barked as he used a chair and bull whip to try and shoo away the rioting conservatives, SwindleCo. employees trying their darnedest to extinguish the fire that was engulfing their workplace. “You’re doing it wrong! IT’S CONSERVATIVE HUNTING SEASON!!!” Vortex ordered as he pulled out a carbine and fired off a warning shot, only to be met with return fire. “Oh right! These bozos are a civilian militia!” Vortex quacked as a rocket flew past and blew a hapless Getaway to smithereens. “WHY AREN’T WE FIGHTING BACK!?!” Vortex demanded afterwards as Swindle emerged from a Vietnam-esque battlefield tunnel. “Any luck?” Blast-Off gulped as the sound of police sirens began wailing nearby and a riot van slid to a halt behind the conservatives. “Yup! I convinced them to at least call in back up! Wanna come join me in the tunnels?” Swindle offered as Blast-Off nodded eagerly, Swindle sliding back down the ladder as his comrade leapt into the tunnels. “I hope it’s fire bomb proof down there!” Vortex groaned as he leapt down as well, shutting the hatch behind them. “Finally! The cops! Our allies have arrived!” One of the conservatives cheered as the riot van opened up and a juggernaut emerged, carrying a full auto shotgun. “I’m afraid we’re with the liberals this time, assholes!” The Bulldozer proclaimed, more SWAT rushing from the van as more riot vehicles arrived. “And guess what! We’re not gonna hold back on your asses like our disgraceful US counterparts! Instead, we’ll treat this like how they treat a BLM protest! Do you have ANY idea how FCKED you are?” The Bulldozer cackled as the SWAT officers raised their weapons on the conservative rioters, Razormind picking up in the background. “AW SHIT!!!” Another conservative wailed as the unarmed rioters hid behind the militia.
[Police assault is in progress!]
“BULLDOZER TIME!!!” The Bulldozer called out as the SWAT opened fire, mowing down the first line of defenses for the conservative militia. “HOLY SHIT!!! THIS IS FCKING INSANE!!!” One of the rioters wailed before getting zapped with a taser and held in place long enough to get shot down. “HASHTAG, NOT MY COPS!!! BLUE LIVES DON’T MATTER ANYMORE!!!” Another rioter called out as a shrill beeping built up behind him and he was dropkicked. “YOU CALL THIS MAKING YOUR NATION GREAT AGAIN, WE CALL THIS A DIFFICULTY TWEAK!!!” The Cloaker proclaimed as he started clubbing the rioter with a nightstick. “DOZER!!! DOZER!!!” The Bulldozer howled as he unloaded his shotgun onto more militia that tried fighting back. “I’M THE FCKING SPARK MAN!!!” The Taser proclaimed as he zapped another rioter, who was quickly taken out by a sniper. “ACTIVATE THE TURRET!!!” A SWAT officer ordered as the automated gun on one of the riot vehicles activated and started firing unto the conservatives. “RETREAT!!! FCKING RETREAT!!! THE LIBTARDS WIN THIS ONE!!!” One of the militia leaders wailed as the conservatives started running away. “NOW GO TO THE FORUMS, AND CRY LIKE THE LITTLE BITCHES YOU ARE!!!” The Cloaker yelled after as the SWAT stood down. “Thanks for the help, officers!” Swindle thanked as he poked his head out from the tunnel. “No problem! We’ll be sticking around here since, from the looks of things, this might happen again!” The Bulldozer commented as the SWAT packed up and mobilized. “Oh, it will! Welcome to R-18 Island!” Swindle wished as the last of the vans pulled out. “Now, onto a problem that can’t be fixed with police brutality!” Swindle sighed as he looked behind him, the warehouse still engulfed in flames. “FIRE, FIRE, FIRE!!!” Brawl wailed as he ran from the building, on fire.
[This author does not condone police brutality, but wishes to address the disparity between the response to a BLM protest and the response to the Capitol Raid by showing a dramatized depiction of what should have happened]
Records of an Aspie 