The Issue With Attempting To Ban Naughty Reading

“WHAT!?!” Blast-Off exclaimed as Swindle did a spit take, they and the rest of the Combaticons having converged on the water cooler. “Ya heard me right! That trailblazer for Boomer Ignorance, Stirling Griff (or an affiliate), has gone and done it again! This time, he’s banned all adult-rated export from Japan from entering Australia. Like hentai!” Vortex elaborated. “This sounds dodgy. ‘Cause aren’t we talking about a person’s bedroom activity, assuming it doesn’t harm anyone else in the process?” Brawl guessed. “Furthermore: doesn’t hentai involve purely fictitious characters and not REAL people?” Onslaught asked. “That’s my first guess! But more than likely: he’s made the move based on how much he doesn’t like delinquency!” Vortex figured. “I’m not an expert, but isn’t delinquency a part of basic human nature?” Swindle checked. “Some may argue it is, some may argue it isn’t. But that’s not the point! The point is: (if it doesn’t harm anyone), WHO THE FCK CARES WHAT YOU’RE DOING IN THE BEDROOM!?!” Vortex emphasized. “Agreed! If no one’s getting hurt, then this shouldn’t be an issue!” Onslaught concurred. “This is bullshit! If I were that tool Stirling, I’d focus more on solving the mental health problems involved! Like, for example: if we stopped selling guns, guess who we still wouldn’t stop from causing damage!” Swindle suggested.

<dramatization: Poland-1939>
“Hey Hanz! Is that the new spear we were told could explode?” A Wehrmacht soldier asked as the entire military branch sieged Poland. “Ja! It’s the most advanced model! It even has fins to help it on its trajectory!” Hanz confirmed as he lobbed the spear and blew the torso off of a Polish defender. “SCORE!!!” Hanz cheered.

<present>
“I had something different in mind, but with the analogue being drugs and alcohol.” Brawl admitted.

<dramatization: Los Angeles-mixed time period>
“You gots the booze?” A prohibition mobster asked, he and his associates protecting an old sedan with submachine guns at the ready. “Only if you fools got the crack!” A drug-war thug countered, his friend cocking the slide on a pistol. “Yeah, we gots the coke. Easiest stuff to find in our part a town.” The mobster acknowledged as his associates opened the trunk of their car and their contacts went to investigate. “The fck? Shit fool! We been had!” The thug’s friend gulped as he and the eponymous thug were shoved into the trunk and had it shut on them. “That’s what you mooks get for not bringing the product directly! Now you’ll go for a swim!” The mobster chuckled before he and his posse were ambushed. “SURPRISE, MOTHER-FCKER!!!” A gangsta exclaimed as he and his brothers jumped out with a variety of firearms. “CHEESE IT, THEY WAS READY FOR US!!!” Another of the mobsters wailed as a massive gunfight ensued.

<present>
“I think it’d make a good tv show.” Brawl remarked. “Dream big, but aim low, Brawl!” Vortex denounced as he gave his partner a pat on the back. “So…what do we take from this conversation?” Onslaught asked, his men still wafting around the water cooler. “That Stirling isn’t even hiding the fact that he’s being racist anymore?” Blast-Off hazarded. “No! That nobody learns that you don’t solve problems by removing the source of the problem: instead, you solve it by taking a nuanced look at the situation and evaluating it from there!” Swindle concluded. “Fine by me!” Vortex agreed. “Wait, isn’t Stirling DEAD in this continuity?” Brawl quacked. “Doesn’t mean we can’t kill him again!” Swindle chuckled. “And how do you propose we do that?” Onslaught demanded as his men exchanged devilish glances and applied top hats. “Oh, FCK YES!!!” Onslaught allowed.

<a few hours later>
“Huh? An Australian senator’s gone missing! Who could it be?” Tracks pondered, Astronomia picking up in the background as he and Getaway stood by the water cooler, the former reading a newspaper. “Is it Stirling Griff? Fcking prick!” Getaway retorted, he and Tracks quickly noticing the music and turning in alarm to the front entrance, where Swindle, Brawl, Vortex and Blast-Off danced into the HQ with a coffin between their shoulders, Onslaught following not far behind with a boom box playing the signature song. “Well, there goes my 2020!” Getaway sighed as Tracks removed the tank from the water cooler and started chugging, both of them disappointed by the situation in their own ways.