“GET READY FOR A ROADTRIP!!!” Vortex called out as Brawl bench pressed the sofa that Lugnut and Blitzwing were sat upon and carried it toward a cargo shuttle. “WAAAHHH!!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!” Lugnut demanded as he and Blitzwing were thrown into the shuttle, along with Wheeljack, Getaway, Blackout, Onslaught, Blast-Off and the Coneheads. “Welcome aboard!” Blast-Off greeted as Ramjet waved to his associate Decepticons. “Exactly where are we going?” Cold Blitzwing demanded as he and Lugnut realigned themselves on the couch. “Swindle’s gone apeshit with his programming against hypocrisy and is taking us to his first business in the human world since 1986! We’re going to Karbomya!” Vortex cheered as he and Brawl boarded the shuttle and shut the hanger doors. “WHAT!?! SWINDLE, YOU MANIAC, THEY’RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A CIVIL WAR!!!” Onslaught exploded as the shuttle activated and the intercom chimed. [No time for questions or disagreements! WE’RE GOING, AND THAT’S FINAL!!!] Swindle proclaimed as the shuttle shook violently before powering down, the door opening to reveal their destination.
[Socialist Democratic Federated Republic Of Karbomya, Population: 4,000 humans – 10,000 camels]
“Welcome to Karbomya, maggots! Now, TO THE CAPITAL!!!” Swindle ordered, donning a fez. The tour group didn’t even make it a few feet before getting spotted by a disgruntled farmer and former leader of Karbomya. “YOU!?! I THOUGHT I USED MY LAST MOMENTS IN POWER TO BANISH YOU FROM EVER STEPPING FOOT ON THESE LANDS EVER AGAIN!!!” Former Military Commander Abdul Fakkadi boomed as Swindle grabbed him by the nape and carried him away. “UNHAND ME, YOU FOOLISH BLACK MARKETEER!!! YOU’LL REGRET THIS, WHEN I REGAIN POWER!!!” Fakkadi exploded as he flailed. After an hour march through the desert, the group entered the city and all gunfire from the warring factions ceased. Swindle continued his march to the capital building and kicked the doors in. “Honorable Swindle? I was hoping you would arrive. Our forces are underwhelmed and require a better army to combat for our PR campaign…” The acting president began before being blown away by the arms dealer’s Scatter Blaster. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!” Onslaught demanded as Swindle simply sat Fakkadi in the throne at the back of the hall. “Reminding everyone what happens when we ignore history and think everything was hunky dory! Introducing the King Of Kings, Supreme Military Commander of Karbomya, President Abdul Fakkadi! He also accepts ‘Faghadi’ as a spelling of his last name! This man is a poorly executed jab at well known Middle-Eastern and African dictators Gaddafi, Amin and Selassie! Given the current state of affairs in America, I figured he deserved a return to the spotlight! So all can remember longer this episode of Transformers History!” Swindle proclaimed, Fakkadi getting comfortable in his old throne and lounging back in it. “Wait…that’s it?” Wheeljack quacked as Swindle stomped past him. “Yup! We’re heading back now!” Swindle declared. “STOP, ARMS DEALER!!! As recompense for my earlier threats and thanks for returning me to power, please accept my offer of comradeship and my eternal apologies for your past actions.” Fakkadi proposed, prompting the Combaticon to ponder. “Sure! Just…look into changing the name…” Swindle countered as he and his tour group departed. “Uh…oh…” Fakkadi realized as his cabinet reassembled and they got to brainstorming.
DISCLAIMER: this piece has been written in response to the revelation that most if not all American history surrounding racism has been edited or censored entirely.
Records of an Aspie 