“HUH!?!” Swindle quacked, looking up at the title. “Uh…I think the system has officially broke.” Brawl mentioned as he sidestepped onto the scene. “Wait, where’s Tracks? I thought he’d be the first to tell me about this!” Swindle complained. “Gone missing. Along with Getaway, Onslaught, Blast-Off, Blitzwing, Lugnut, ALL of the anime characters, Strika, Arnim Zola…” Brawl listed before his colleague perked up in alarm. “How long did we have a WWII era German scientist in the base?” Swindle demanded. “Uh…3 years?” Brawl suggested with a shrug. “And R&D kept it a secret for that long?” Swindle tested. “Yup!” Brawl confirmed with a thumbs up before getting clobbered over the head. “R&D HASN’T EVEN BEEN AROUND FOR 2 YEARS!!! But that’s beside the point: WHY ARE HALF THE CAST GONE!?!” Swindle exploded as Brawl clutched his head in agony. “Because if it’s political, it is henceforth, non-marketable! And since you yourself are a open homosexual, that means: YOU’RE NON-MARKETABLE TOO!!!” Vortex proclaimed before a laser shot from off stage, opening a mini-wormhole that proceeded to suck Swindle into another realm before disappearing. “Ok, NOW I’M CONFUSED!!!” Brawl panicked, Vortex stomping over with the Phantom Zone Projector in his hands. “Don’t be! As the second-to-last Combaticon left in this plain of reality: I’m promoting you to second in command!” Vortex declared with a salute. “How’d you get the Phantom Zone Projector?” Brawl asked, irritating his now-ONLY team mate. “You ever heard a FUNimation? (Pronounced as typed!)” Vortex checked. “You mean the current dubbing team for Dragon Ball?” Brawl guessed. “Yup! What would you watch a show like that for?” Vortex proceeded. “Epic battles, awesome bad guys and, over the process of Dragon Ball, Z, GT and Super, watch the main characters as they fight demon kings, fight alien monkey men, fight Freaky Alien Genotypes, fight robots, fight more robots, fight a biomechanical super android, fight a giant piece of gum, fight an evil doppelgänger of the primary character, fight a Grey Alien, fight their friends-but-brainwashed, fight dragons, fight vampires for a mid-season micro-plot, do the Para-Para dance until they drop dead from exhaustion, fight a brother to the first Freaky Alien Genotype, fight that brother again-but-with-robots, fight a robot redneck, fight an evil slug, fight a manifestation of sin that wields a sword that cuts through dimensions, fight a legendary super monkey man, fight a reboot of him, fight space pirates, fight space pirates while saving Christmas, fight a gold repaint of the first Freaky Alien Genotype, fight a space cat god and fight the first Freaky Alien Genotype again-but-to-save-his-home-planet! Wait…I think that last one was Bardock…” Brawl pondered. “Excellent! Now, do you watch Sub or Dub?” Vortex challenged. “Isn’t that like Frenzy Is Blue, Rumble Is Red? I.E. completely subjective!” Brawl guessed. “It is, but-ANSWER MY QUESTION, OR ELSE YOU’LL BE SENDING GENERAL ZOD MY REGARDS!!!” Vortex threatened as he aimed the Phantom Zone Projector at Brawl. “I watch DBZA, does that count?” Brawl checked, Vortex responding by charging up the projector. “Since it’s been canceled, I suppose I’ll stick to Sub!” Brawl answered quickly as Vortex paused charging the projector and furrowed his brow. “Honestly?” He checked. “Yeah. I just wish it wasn’t rushed!” Brawl sighed. “Well, dropping my deliberate hostility for once, you’re in luck! Because the point I’ve been trying to make befits our current situation! A situation so much of a problem, IT MAY KILL THE ISSUE OF SERIES!!!” Vortex prophesied. “UH…” Brawl gulped, Vortex hushing him and slowly investigating the room around them with a few quick glances before slowly leaning in toward his team mate. “TV Comedies, kids shows, movies, anime and manga is meant for entertainment, not political agenda!” Vortex whispered. “Elaborate for me, so that an idiot could understand it!” Brawl groaned. “Alright! I’ll put it so that you can understand it!” Vortex groaned before reaching for something off stage. “WHY YOU PIECE OF…” Brawl began before the screen transitioned…

<transitioned>

…into the traditional white background green screen effect, Brawl partially invisible because of this. “Couldn’t you have…used a more flattering screen colour?” Brawl sighed. “Assuming I have my toy’s colour scheme, I’D BE WITHOUT MY HEAD AND THIGHS!!! So you being a floating head, tank treads, thighs and gun barrel is NOBODY’S PROBLEM!!! Anyway! Do you like pizza?” Vortex checked, his team mate furrowing his brow in suspicion. “I don’t have a mouth, dip-stick!” He reminded. “Ok, do you want me to change the special effects?” Vortex offered as he held up the Phantom Zone Projector again. “I think I had pizza flavored energon! I did liked it a lot, YEEEES!!!” Brawl answered. “Good. Do you like it with or without bananas?” Vortex continued, much to the further confusion of his team mate. “That’s a topping too?” He asked. “Yes it is! Answer the questions and stop side tracking!” Vortex ordered as he held the projector in one hand and a pulse rifle in the other. “I haven’t tried banana.” Brawl answered with a nigh-invisible shrug. “Good answer, for an unbiased opinion! For the purpose of our end scene gag: I shall not currently put an opinion here.” Vortex explained as a subtitle with pixel censors appeared at the bottom of the screen. “I’m not comfortable in a meta environment! HELP!?!” Brawl panicked. “NEVER MIND!!! The point is: ‘since the opinion of bananas on pizza is divided, it shouldn’t be the purpose of this piece to proselytize whether it is right, or wrong!’ That being said, WE’RE STILL GONNA OPINIONATE THAT WHEN WE GET TO THE END GAG!!!” Vortex clarified as another of the censored subtitle appeared at the top of the screen. “Oh yeah! Didn’t you suggest you were colour scheme neutral?” Brawl demanded. “As multiple instances of my design exist, I will not officially disclose as to if I am based on the cartoon, 20th century comics, 21st century comics, Fall Of Cybertron, the G1 Toy or the G2 Toy.” Vortex admitted with a growing grimace. “Also, you haven’t sworn once, or opened with a sexual innuendo…” Brawl brought up. “That’s because if it’s swearing and making inappropriate jokes, it’s not marketable!” Vortex explained, a smiley face censor appearing over his face. “WHAT THE…” Brawl panicked. “Remain calm! This is all normal! All you need to do is ask: is this relevant to the product?” Vortex proposed, Brawl mock-clearing his throat before pulling out some reading glasses. “With the understanding of this current ‘product’ being a self aware, amateur project depicting licensed characters in situations that would normally precede the thinking’s of their official license holders, while said product is both being presented to a single home audience and shared to an online audience of ZERO (according to Ego Statistics): then I would argue that WHO THE FCK CARES ABOUT GODDAMNED MARKETABILITY!?!” Brawl exploded as he grabbed his spectacles and crushed them, the censors disappearing to reveal a royally pissed off Vortex and the subtitles that read ‘DO NOT PUT BANANAS OR PINEAPPLE ON PIZZAS, YOU FCKING MANIACS!!!’. “GOOD ANSWER!!! GOOD FCKING ANSWER!!! CUE THE END STORY GAG RIGHT NOW AND PROVIDE THE FOREIGN LANGUAGE SUBTITLES, BECAUSE THIS SHIT STOPS NOW!!!” Vortex declared as the green screen fizzled out and collapsed like a an unsupported wood wall, revealing a recreation of the siege on The Alamo but with paint ball guns, Trade Federation Battle Droids, First Order Storm Troopers, Imperial Storm Troopers, Blue Frenzies and Red Rumbles, the missing diverse cast numbers and a straw dummy drenched in gasoline and wearing a red ‘Make America Great Again’ hat, all while the set was lined with Mitsubishi Evos and pizza that very decidedly wasn’t topped with bananas or pineapple. “While that shitstorm goes on in the background, I’d like you to hold this.” Vortex proceeded as he gave Brawl a grenade coated in industrial glue, snatching the pin out before attempting an escape, just to get slapped with the glued grenade. “If I’m going down, I’M TAKING YOU WITH ME!!!” Brawl declared triumphantly before noticing Vortex pointing to their feet, revealing the practical effects. “Touché! BUT THIS IS STILL A WIN FOR ME!!!” Brawl celebrated before the grenade detonated and…

<meanwhile, in Planeptune>

…a massive, fiery mushroom cloud emerged from the South-East, the blast wave slowly encompassing all of Gamindustri and Neptune plucking at an acoustic guitar. “Almost heaven, Virtua Forrest, small blue Dogoos, Planeptower in the distance, grinding’s easy, even with a stick, just watch out so you don’t progress the plot! Country Roads! Take me home! To a dungeon, WHERE I CAN GRIND!!! Virtua Forrest! Histy Mama! Take me home! Country Roads!” Neptune sang. “Hey, Neptune, did you hear that massive explo-GYAAAAARGH!!!” Nepgear wailed as Planeptune was leveled in the blast.

Entertainment is entertainment, jackasses!

LEAVE IT ALONE!!!

Topics that are OK to declare a stance on:

LITERALLY ANYTHING THAT ISN’T POLITICAL OR HARMFUL TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!